Time

Social media is a good way to update myself about the life of my classmates. Some are married with kids, some are just married and expecting while some are still single but having a good job. It is not the achievement or the new chapter in their lives that I am going to comment. It is how fast the time flies.

Once, we were students carrying the course of the future in our hands. Now, we are the generation that will pass the course of the future to the next generation. I felt I always had the time of my life when I was younger. I could delay doing something and do it later, because I knew time could wait for me. Unfortunately, time does not wait for anyone.

Rich or poor, young or old, are given 24 hours a day. Time does not discriminate. If you lose money, you could make it up another time. But, if you lose your time, you waste your life. Our precious possession in life should not be money, luxury cars or homes. But, time itself.

You

My life was just alright before you. Neither bad or good. Just me, myself and I. Staying or leaving is just another option in life, because I have nothing to lose. I only have myself on my mind. "I'm alone and will always be alone," was my consolation mantra.

Now I know you. I have got reason to stay. But, the reason alone isn't enough. There's bigger power outside of my control. I will enjoy the moment while it lasts. If I have to go, I am happy that we met and have you as part of my life.

Thank you...


On Being A Student

My student life is like a party in the beginning. Starting the new passage of life was exhilarating. I said goodbye to my professional life and was anticipating my student life with much excitement. I traded the financial security with a hope that I could travel and explore the new home.

The office was my prison. I was merely a computer operator at work. An extension of the machine. A sentient being to generate money. Being shouted at, being bullied, being pressured were my weekdays routine. I locked myself in my room most weekends to get myself some space to breath. My room was my fortress. My own little bubble where I felt safe and could feel like a free person. Meeting people on some weekend was optional. An option to keep me sane from my self-isolation.

The new room, I'm living now, is my prison. Homeworks are my ball and chain. They follow me whenever I go. The works at the office were my ball and chain, but I left them at work. They didn't follow me or I took them home with me.

In real world, simple task can be challenging because some people play politics on you. In student's life, your challenge is time. The enemy is none other than yourself. Either sink or swim, you only have yourself to blame.

The campus seems the only place I could explore most of the times. Poking around at random suburbs is what I call travel now. Excitement has faded to another routine. Repetition of the same occurrences in different time and place.

I'm living the consequence of my choice. That sucks!

It Smells Like Home

Singapore was hazy in today. I thought the rain in the morning left a thin layer of fog in the sky, but it smelled like smoke when I was out for lunch. I was thinking the cleaners of the office building next door was burning garbage. I joked with my colleague that the smoke was from our office, so that we didn't have to go back to work.

I just knew that there is forest fire in Indonesia when I was back at the office. It happens annually apparently. I've heard that the smoke can reach Singapore and Malaysia, but hadn't experience it personally. Until today.

I think Indonesian workers in Singapore shouldn't feel homesick for the coming few days. The homeland is sending its scent here. The scent of homeland in a foreign soil. Hmmm, nothing is better than that. Nothing SMELLS like home!

Thought About Life (Part 3)

Why do we obsess with life? It's because we only know life. We don't know death.

I fear death.

I loathe death when I think about life. I fear how it would feel when my body decompose and my conscious depart from my body. The happiest soul is the one that is never been born. A non-existence being in the infinite universe. The birth of a baby should be mourned not celebrated. The earlier one dies from birth, the better. Because they don't have or have little conscious about life.

When I think further about death, I think about the moment of me being unborn. I don't remember any event before my birth. That's it! I should think death as the moment that I hadn't been born.

I don't remember or feel any body parts growing from my fecal body when I was being developed in my mother's womb. The earliest memory I have about my childhood, is when my parents were living at my maternal grandparents' house. It was late evening. I had digestion problem that night and threw up all of the warm bottled milk I had drunk earlier.

I feel better now.

From a non-existent being in the infinite world, to an existent being in the finite world, and will go back to a non-existent being in the infinite world.